Best Laid Plans of Mice and a Woman

When I first moved back to the southwest two years ago, I had a plan but as Steinbeck pounded into American Literature nothing happens like we plan. My plan was to move to Albuquerque, work my job for two years, build my acting and technical resume, get into grad school, and move. Well, I should have consulted the wind because it spun everything around and here I am...Still.

So, to begin. Shortly after my arrival I landed a really cool job, which I was contracted for two years. My contract ended in May and now I'm doing freelance. I loved working at the KiMo Theatre. It's a historical theatre and I learned so much. I honed my skills as a lighting designer, even though I still have more to learn. I worked with some awesome people and discovered that bureaucracy is a pain. Since I knew it was never a permanent situation, I wasn't upset when my contract ended.

Building my resumes: check. 

• Technical: I've clearly been doing that with the above paragraph. While at my job, I also worked freelance gig here and there to build my resume. Peeps, I make things look pretty!

• Acting: I've worked both on stage and film. I'm working on doing more film these days and recently signed with an agent. Of course, I'm an actor so I just want more. Yes, I'm ridiculous.

Grad school: applied and nope! Getting into an MFA for acting is hard. Of course, I had high hopes and it just didn't happen. I keep reminding myself that millions of actors didn't get MFAs and it's okay! I have mixed feelings about going to grad school so it's okay.

Moving: ...I don't want to live here forever, but for right now it's okay. Moving to a new place is always hard, especially if you don't have a support group. Moving here was hard because I didn't know many people. My first year was pretty lonely and my solution was to throw myself into work...not the best idea. Last year, I decided to work on my social life and having fun. It worked. Sometimes, I still feel lonely because I'm not the best at making friends. I'm an extrovert with introverted tendencies. I'm either nervous talking or being quiet. I'm used to being strong and independent so reaching out is difficult.

I had a discussion with one of my best friends from college recently and she told me of this: "This stone may be a resting place for a bit, but that doesn't mean you need to make a home there.”

It's okay that I'm at a stepping stone. It's okay that things don't go to plan. It's okay to be still because so much change has happened in the last two years that things need to settle.

Okay...okay...OKAY. Jeez, I sound depressing. In some ways, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have an amazing relationship with a man who makes me laugh, made some great friends, and I wouldn't go back to change anything. The last two years have been about me growing into myself. I still have things to learn and that's the exciting part.